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Please enjoy this page of one liners that visiters have sent us. If you would like to add some words of wit to this page click here.
Thanks.
Jerry W. RogersScroll down to view
I was sitting at a stop light this morning. The lady in front of me was going through papers on the seat of her car, and when the light changed to green she did not obey its command -- a green light is a commandment - NOT a suggestion. When the light turned to red, and she had still not moved, I began (with my windows up) screaming epithets and beating on my steering wheel. My expressions of distress were interrupted by a policeman, gun drawn, tapping on my window. Against my protestations of, "You can't arrest me for hollering in my car," he ordered me into the back seat of his. After about two hours in a holding cell, the arresting officer advised me I was free to go. I said, "I knew you couldn't arrest me for yelling in my own car. You haven't heard the last of this." The officer replied, "I didn't arrest you for shouting in your car. I was directly behind you at the light. I saw you screaming and beating your steering wheel, and I said to myself! , "What a jerk. But there is nothing I can do to him for throwing a fit in his own car. Then I noticed the 'Cross' hanging from your rearview mirror, the bright yellow 'Choose Life' license tag, the 'Jesus is Coming Soon' bumper sticker, and the Fish symbol, and I thought you must have stolen the car."
Keep scrolling down for more funny stuff (one-liners).
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ONE LINERS
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
Growing old is inevitable, growing UP is optional.
There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
Do the math....count your blessings.
Faith is the ability to not panic.
Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
If you worry, don't pray. If you pray...don't worry.
As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
The most important things in your home are the people.
When we get tangled up in our problems, be still; God wants us to be
still so He can untangle the knot.
A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
We do not remember days, but moments. Life is moving too fast - so enjoy
your precious moments.
Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just
hearsay.
Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals
and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk taking. Learn from the
turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
"We are continually faced with great opportunities disguised as unsolvable
problems."
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your
character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what
others think you are
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God,
but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons
than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end,
you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."
If the church wants a better preacher,
it only needs to pray for the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
To make a long story short, don't tell it.
If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.
Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches;
what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing
"Standing on the Promises"
are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses,
not lawyers or judges.
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
Be ye fishers of men.
You catch them -
He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to
remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers
"fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -
just report for duty!
The task ahead of us is never as great
as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
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